December 2005 Amid a flurry of publicity, MCV Compact is launched.

January 2006 Amid a flurry of lawsuits, MCV Compact is withdrawn.

July 2006 The governments controversial same-sex marriage legislation is passed, allowing gays and lesbians to marry. Also attached to the legislation are by-laws allowing gays and lesbians to emulate heterosexuals in other ways, such as spending every weekend at Bunnings and buying properties from Devine suburb-in-a-box developments.

August 2006 Ian Thorpe is forced to deny he is homosexual after being photographed wearing a leather harness at a fashion parade.

October 2006 After immense public pressure, community groups and media are now forced to expand the acronym ‘GLBTi’ to include queer, appreciative, dyke, straight-acting, trisexual, occasional, pansexual, metrosexual, curious and vaudevillian; making it GLBTIQADSTOPMCV.

February 2007 Fearing she may be on deaths bed, Lucy Loosebox cryogenically freezes herself to preserve her body until modern medicine can cure her ailment – what she thinks is acute angina, but unfortunately she just misheard a compliment.

July 2007 One year after the government’s same-sex marriage legislation is passed, reforms are announced to revive interest - such as allowing bisexuals and transgenders to marry themselves and Los Vegas-style shotgun marriages at saunas followed by quick annulments.

September 2007 As the collective leases on northern gay venues expire, the new owners soon reveal themselves to be Christian Group Salt Shakers. Business will remain as usual, but Laird will be known as "Filthy Faggots Sinful Sex Bar" and Glass House as "God-Bashing Sodomites Inn". Peel remains "Peel", but with lights by Rob Lawry and lasers by Oracle.

November 2008 Around unprecedented media hype, Adam Elliot launches his second film – an 8 minute Schmacko’s commercial to be aired nationwide in between cinema trailers. This sets off his next 10 year media whore reign.

March 2009 Dulcie Du Jour announces her retirement from the scene.

March 2009 Barely three seconds later, Dulcie Du Jour returns to the scene with her feather boa tail between her legs, citing increased audience demand from the publicity. Publicity meaning a Post-It note (that said ‘carked it’) over her face on the photo wall, and audience meaning the drunks on the pool table.

June 2009 In line with stricter PC controls, straight media now reflect several changes important to the community. ‘Gay men’ will now be referred to as ‘men who happen to like men’; ‘lesbians’ as suffering ‘penile denial’; ‘bisexuals’ as ‘heterosexuals who sometimes but not all the time prefer to conduct relations with members of the same sex should none of their friends or family be in the surrounding five suburbs’; and finally ‘transgenders’, ‘transexuals’ and ‘intersex’ will be known by their first names only with no qualifier, because let’s face it – it’s too damn hard to keep up.

October 2009 Dulcie Du Jour announces her second retirement from the scene, stating she "really, really means it this time".

November 2009 New, mysterious act Julcie Ju Dour commences strikingly familiar act at DT’s, with lights by Rob Lawry and lasers by Oracle.

December 2009 Once again, Ian Thorpe denies his homosexuality after being caught at a well-known Sydney beat, claiming he was simply practising land swimming. And some dry skiing.

May 2010 In a scientific breakthrough, the first naturally conceived child to two gay male parents is born. Dubbed the "Anal Tube baby", the carrying parent’s ability to bare a child is soon to be revealed as a birth abnormality which caused ovaries to stem from his anal passage. The parents are delighted, stating they couldn’t be happier with the birth of little Chocco.

August 2010 Caving in from pressure from the UN, Iran and Egypt lift their ban on consensual homosexual sex. The celebrations soon fizzle out when the age of consent is revealed to be 75. However, Grandpa Acid is delighted and declares a jihad on Iranian steam baths – and he can jihad all night long.

September 2010 Ian Thorpe finally comes out of the closet, just in time for no one to care anymore.

December 2010 Self-righteous gay man Lance Sprigs publishes a tell-all book titled "People I’ve slept with", only to be sued by the White Pages for copyright infringement.