Too bad it’s not true, as the clubbing world could benefit from a few more cubicles. Despite the amount of ‘number 2s’ done at clubs equalling the number 0, the toilet is the centrepiece of today’s modern club – so much so, a reputable party now even has a toilet DJ scheduled.

Observation of a few simple rules will make your break as harmonious as possible. Firstly: if you are truly only peeing, then just use the urinal – what on earth gave you the idea that we’d want to look at you pissing anyway? Secondly: if you are queuing for a cubicle, eyes straight ahead - we’re trying to pee. And to you people, we all totally know what you’re doing in there (we’re doing it too), so just get about it with minimum fuss and get out. Don’t bother with a fake flush, there’s a water shortage you know. And finally, if you do really need to use the toilet for its intended purpose, you should probably go to the Maccas across the street.