Did you know the flap of a dog’s ear is actually also called a ‘leather’? Nor did I, until I donned my journalistic integrity hat and did some research online. I also discovered that although most leather is made out of cow hides, kangaroo leather is strong and flexible, and useful for items like motorcycle gloves. Skippy and Harley Davidson - a match made in heaven. Ostrich leather was a fad in the 90s, but so were happy pants and HyperColour. And they use sting ray leather in Thailand for watches and belts, but ping-pongs balls are still made from plastic.

Of course, no one knows this better than the boys at Laird. They’ve been waving the flag for all things leather, amongst other things, for 25 years now. Knowing your thirst for leather couldn’t be satisfied by just one night only, the crew have teamed up with Beyond gone AWOL – A Week Of Leather. Kicking off next Thursday, the best thing is: every night is totally free. The doors open at 5:30pm each night (except Sunday arvo, when they swing open early at 1:30pm). So, without further ado - like sands through an hour glass, these are the days of our Laird:

Thursday is Spit and Polish, guvnor – with a strict dress code of leather or uniform in the back bar, but no strict dress code in front bar. The theme for the evening is "Roped In", which is not even on the same page as Andrew Denton’s ‘Enough Rope’. A night of audience participation is in store from rope-master Kevin, so if anyone asks if you’re busy that night, best tell them that you’ll be tied up.

Code Black is Friday night’s offering, with an all-encompassing show called "Derrick Does Sex". I’ve been told to expect the unexpected, with the show taking over the entire venue and striking at any given time. You could be standing there enjoying a drink, when all of a sudden you’re a piece of performance art. Will it involve bondage? Showers? You’ll just have to wait and see…

Meet up at the Laird for a warm up drinks (or seven) before getting your bad self to Beyond @ Dream to dance the night away.

You can’t say no to a free BBQ, so if you want to eat the meat that was formerly shielded by the leather you now wear, get on down after 1:30pm for some snag action. Stick around for even more snag action after 6:30pm, as Leather Poleman makes a once-off return for winter. Five contestants will get the chance to battle it out on the pole for the coveted $200 prize for best performance.

The VicBears come out of HiBernation for their Den Night, this month embracing the leather culture for Leather Bears. After the frivolity of Australiasian Bear contest, this is sure to blow you away.

To cap it all off, the final night of AWOL is a special Leather Will He Won’t He trivia night. Think you know your dress codes, international Mr Leather winners, leather history and bars? Then you’ll be competing for some big prizes, and having an awesome night of fun on the way.