Aah, Sundays. After the dizzying heights of Saturday night, it’s inevitable that you come crashing down to earth again - and thanks to the Julian calendar Sunday is the only day it can happen. Well, unless you just keep partying straight through, but hey, we can’t all be scene editors. Here’s how you ‘norms’ can deal with the dreaded day.

It’s all about knowing who and what to avoid – for instance, that minger you picked up last night that’s now dry humping your doona. Dispel them with a quick fart under the covers or something like that so they can gossip about it over a Sex and the City-style brunch with their gal pals and feel empowered by your round-about way of rejecting them.

Your family is definitely a big no-no, and if yours are anything like mine they’ll schedule massive lunches on Sundays just to spite you. This is where the concept of the ‘year round cold’ comes into play – my folks recently thought I had glandular fever I was ill that often on the holy day. Plus it helps to explain away the blocked nose.

And finally, don’t attempt to work – in particular don’t attempt to write a Clubber’s Guide – coz they’ll turn out so vile and offensive that they won’t be printed and then be put on hiatus for four weeks.