Ladies, gentlemen and Sally Goldsmith; welcome aboard the Love Boat - otherwise known as the SS Midsumma Boat Cruise. I’ll be your host and narrator for this camp as Christmas nautical peruse up the glorious river Yarra, named by native Aboriginal tribes eons ago for its resemblance to a glistening drop of moisture upon a kangaroo turd. On today’s cruise, we will depart from Victoria Dock and take in the sights and delights of Melbourne, from the glorious skyline afforded from the Bolte Bridge area, to the surreal maritime wasteland that is found towards Williamstown, before heading back to the Docklands and completing our three hour round trip.

Please inspect your ticket carefully before boarding as there are two departure times for two very different cruises. If your style is laid back and serene – think Paris Hilton on Zynax – then the afternoon cruise will be more to your liking, with chilled beats from DJ Fiona and sunbathing carrying through your socialable afternoon. If it’s the frentic interaction of a boutique dance party you seek – think Chris Rock on Ritalin - then come along for the evening cruise to be bopped well into the night by DJ Arlen De Silva (Wonderland) joining forces with the vivacious showgirl Toni J to give you a night you’ll never forget.

Drinks will be at bar prices and smoking will be permitted on the deck. The two floors interior of the lovely vessel will be furnished with tables and chairs, and filled to the brim with Melbourne’s delectable gay and lesbian socialites. Will the movie starlet reveal her deep secret? Will the high powered business executive and the scatty magazine editor patch up their jilted romance? Will the frumpy waitress bloom into a beautiful supermodel after one simple make over? There’s only one way to find out…

www.midsumma.org