SX National

SX National 32

Are you a Mexican, or a Mexican’t?

Words by Josh Dare

I’ve never been to Sydney. For some reason, that factoid surprises most - especially overseas, where it’s assumed that all Australians work at Sydney beachside kiosks. And let’s face it, SX National reaches more people in Sydney than in any other city. But, like, duh – I’m from Melbourne. We hate Sydney. And we know you call us Mexicans – yes, yes, ‘south of de border’, very clever… ya little glamour whores.

Well gringos, I can tell you one thing: this city sure knows how to throw back the tequila for a party. We’re still having a siesta after our mammoth Cup weekend, with the four day weekend packing venues to capacity (and just quietly, perhaps a little above) and coming out in droves for now-legendary regular parties Raw Hide and Locker Room - both of which excited, funked, rocked and caned (in no particular order). All in all, there were more opportunities to p-a-r-t-ah that you could poke a stick at. And what’s got Sydney, huh? Thought so. How’s this for a joke: How many Sydney-siders does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but they’re really really stupid, wear bright colours all the time, don’t have to carry an umbrella, and ‘harbour’ so many false stereotypes they had to build a dumb bridge to get over it. Boom tish!

So with the cheery ‘you can sleep when you’re dead’ attitude that made our clubbing the shining beacon of overindulgence it is today, instead of taking a well deserved rest we’re pressing on through November with a hectic party schedule that would give any seasoned clubber a run for their money.

Melbourne’s self-billed premiere gay club Market (www.markethotel.com.au) has gone into overdrive for the month of its 6^th birthday. The hydraulic stage still warm from Inaya Day’s rocking appearance over the long weekend, they’re now primed for the massive headline act Tina Cousins on its birthday night, Saturday November 19. Miss Cousins is a repeat offender at the Market, having blown the roof off earlier this year – and she’s sure to kick ass when she returns to blow the candles out. Speaking of candles, you’ll need to burn yours at both ends if you’re going to last the whole night – doors are open from 10pm all the way til noon the next day. Reckon you can handle the full 14 hours? Give it a burl - alongside Cup Day and some freaky religious stuff like Christmas, it’s a Melbourne tradition.

If it’s a pretence-free night of clubbing you seek, then head north to the Peel (www.thepeel.com.au) . Even on ordinary nights it’s chockers with all types; from twinks at one end of the spectrum, to roughs at the other, with ‘troughs’ in the middle I suppose. And if the men-only Bull Pen upstairs isn’t enough to satisfy your urges, then you’ll be pleased to learn that completely men-only Throb is making a triumphant return on Friday December 2 with their Jungle Balls party to launch the Christmas season. Special guest DJ Chip of Sleaze Ball / Mardi Gras fame will be on hand to provide to the tunes, and I’m told there’ll be a ton of Christmas giveaways. Do the math: two dance floors plus three bars plus all male entertainment cruise and play area equals… well, a ‘long division’ of something else entirely. Like, your legs.

A masculine pub-environment option to keep in mind is the Laird (www.lairdhotel.com.au), who coincidentally just matched the minimum age of their target demographic with recent 25^th birthday celebrations. This month sees the regular rotation of popular events Laird Underwear Party on November 7, Melbourne Leather Men on November 12 and VicBears Den Night on November 21; all catering to their particular crowds to great success. If these are down your alley, then you won’t want to miss the next Beyond (www.beyondblack.com.au) on Saturday November 26 – a leather fetish event that’s been shaping the cow hide crew for five years now. Details of their next party are scant at present, but check their website or local press (cough MCV cough) closer to the date for more info.

Nearby at the Glass House (www.girlbar.com.au) a fair chunk of the city’s lesbian contingency are hosted in classy decadent surrounds – the lesbian definition including, of course, a couple of pool tables for good measure. Sunny weather may pass us by, but clichés certainly don’t. The sisters bang on every week from Thursday to Sunday, and if you’ve got a hankering for music from the 70s to the 90s, mosey on down their Bitch Is Black night on November 5 to do the bus stop with MC Dolly.

Also from the Glass House crew is awesome breakbeat slash funky house slash electro funk night Girl Bar, at the Prince of Wales on November 25. DJs Ambie Dextrus, Kista, kdj and Guy Uppiah always rock the socks off this funky alternative crowd of delectable ladies and welcome boys - it’s enough to make a grown woman cry. Good cry, mind.

Funky mixed venue Salon Kitty has been bringing a smorgasbord of variety (including DJs, poetry, blues and other live music) to the northern ‘burbs for exactly one year come November 26 – get down there on the day for an awesome line-up of surprise guests and performers. Before that though is gala event Pan at the Elysee Ballroom on November 11 – a collaboration of local artists and High Street Northcote traders (including Salon Kitty) in an effort to raise money to support local band GloveBox, who have amazingly reached number four on the American charts with minimal support and will be performing on the night alongside Dollsquad, Kaye Sera and more.

The heady rush of November will mean December’s sure to sneak up on you quicker than those excess kilos you still haven’t lost from the last festive season. Make a note in your collective diaries for an underage Christmas party from minus18 (www.minus18.org) on December 20, and of course, New Years – which’ll be covered in-depth next month.

Til then you steenkin’ tacos - hasta la vista, rabies.