I was always sure that I wanted to be a dad. I was not quite sure when or how, but I was sure. When I started to write to Justine, I had already met a few women and none of them seemed right. For a start they seemed to want a husband without the sex. At least one discussed marriage at a very early stage. Whilst I understood where they were coming from, I was looking for a family life that was practical, honest and open. Pretending to be a married couple was not what I was looking for.

Justine and I agreed right up front what the bottom line was: a mum and a dad bringing up children together. We were flexible on the details but to agree our bottom line was most important. We got on well partly because we were from the same part of the country but also because we were prepared to listen. Justine is committed to the vegetarian lifestyle whereas my own politics are sceptical of some of this. We found common ground, which recognised a respect for each other’s views.

Seeking and finding common ground is a practical way through difficulties on personal issues. When we have rowed about bringing up our son, Declan, the solution has been found in working out what we agree on and taking it from there. For us, Declan’s interests come first and we need to be willing to give way at times. This is not as easy as it sounds but I think is the key to our success.

We have been a great success in many ways. We survived the stillbirth of our first child, Connor, by drawing on our friends and family, sharing our grief but respecting that we each parent separately, not just jointly. Our Declan is a very happy, well-adjusted little boy – a nursery star pupil – and although he may try to play us off against each other, we form an iron front on good manners, no temper tantrums and bedtimes.

Practically, even if I don’t share Justine’s style in relationships, I support her without question in front of Declan. In dealing with "the authorities" we insist that they deal with both of us, having a Parental Responsibility Agreement registered with the Court early on. Schools and doctors see us as joint parents, and you have to make sure that is very clear to them from the start.

We build on each other’s strengths. Justine says I don’t do sympathy very well, but I do make Declan laugh a great deal and we do lots of robust father-son things. Justine respects my role as a man in Declan’s life and understands that there are things he and I will share as males that she may not. The same would be true if we were a father and daughter. Conversely, I will never be his mother and I need to accept that. We both agree that to be a man is to respect other people, listen to them and to take their feelings on board. How we put this philosophy into practice varies between us.

My role in the pregnancies has been to support Justine and to prepare for fatherhood. I helped to decorate Justine’s new home and we shared the setting-up expenses of a home for a new baby. I attended all the scans, several antenatal appointments, antenatal classes and both deliveries. I made sure that Justine’s views were heard in the delivery room and I knew what to do if things went wrong. No one ever doubted that Justine and I were parents of the coming child.

reFRESH: Thanks for taking the time to talk to us Sam. Can you please outline the Family Affairs storyline?

Sam: Sean and Tanya decide to have a child together. They have known each other for 20 odd years, have both been in separate relationships, but never found anyone they considered father/mother material. They are both madly in love with each other (platonically) and have planned this pregnancy methodically, unlike most conceptions. They both questioned themselves long and hard if they were doing the right thing but they've decided that it's the right time and they trust each other impeccably.

reFRESH: How does your character, Sean, react to the birth?

Sam: Sean had a 'wobble', wondering if he was ready to settle down. But a few more visits to a few more clubs made him realise that he wasn't getting any younger, and quite frankly, his standards were slipping! He's realised its no easy task raising a child, be it in a straight, gay or any other type of relationship. He's not prepared for it, but who is? If it weren't for Tanya being a nurse, I think he would have worried himself into an early grave already.

reFRESH: Finally, what are your thoughts on donor insemination and gay parenting?

Sam: In my eyes, it's painfully simple. You love a child and that's it. It doesn't matter if you gay, straight or bi. As long as you give that child a safe, healthy environment to grow up in, then what more can you do? I see no difference between Mum and Mum to Mum and Dad. Schoolmates can and will be spiteful, but they're going to do that anyway, whether your tall, fat, gay or straight. It's a life lesson. Maybe the child will learn tolerance earlier. All you need is love.

(Box Out)

Family Affairs is on every weekday on Five at 6.30pm and repeated at 1pm the next day.